Saturday, February 19, 2011

Pants full of pasta; or, the Italian woman's lament

If you have enormous hips like I do, then you know how hard it can be to find a pair of jeans that fit right. You can't wear hiphuggers (well, nobody should be wearing those) because they give you more muffintops than a bakery. If you find a pair that fits in the hips, the waist could accommodate a ham. When you sit down, the back of your pants gapes open like a fault during an earthquake. You could wear pajama jeans, but you'd feel like a lazy slouch. Besides, everyone knows that pajama jeans are just a gateway to use of harder infomercial products, like Ginsu knives and Mighty Putty.

The best pair of pants I've found thus far to remedy the dreaded butt-gap problem are Levi's Curvy Bootcut 529. They fit about as well as I could want, though I often find myself looking in the mirror and thinking, "My God, you need to get lipo on those saddlebags and chub rub and thick knees and..." Actually, I would do that with any pair of pants. Anyway. The downside to these Levi's is that they appear to only come in three washes, two of which are almost identical. *wah wah*

However, I recently came across a giveaway from Today's Woman Blog for Little in the Middle jeans, which purport to fit your "genes" or something like that. The hips are one size bigger in these jeans, giving them sizes like "4.1" and "16.1". Also, most of the jeans have a significant discrepancy between the front and back rises -- about 9" for the former and 15" for the latter. The Levi's measure about the same. Little in the Middle has pink jeans, for those of you who aspire to look like a chewed wad of bubble gum (no offense intended, but these really wouldn't look good on anyone). Seriously, though, I think I'd like to try the Empowered River jeans. They're just dark enough to be slimming, but light enough to go with most everything I own. Plus, anything that camouflages my hips can't be bad! So, go swing by the Today's Woman Blog and see if you can't win yourself a pair of these sweet trou.

Man.... I don't even eat that much pasta.

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