Friday, February 11, 2011

More stuff you shouldn't wear

Here's my second installment of things you shouldn't wear.......

6. "Distressed" jeans

WTF is this hobo shit?

You know what's distressing? Your jeans. They make you look like a homeless person. Why would you pay for a pair of pants that look like they've been assaulted with a weedwhacker? Next thing you know, they're going to start making distressed jeggings and then my head will cave in.

7. Gladiator sandals

The only person who can truly pull off this look is Jesus. I'm guessing you're not Jesus, so why wear these things?

8. Open-toed shoes with socks

You know who else wears sandals with socks? Elderly tourists. If you want to wear open-toed shoes, but feel you might be too cold wearing them, STOP. This is Nature's way of telling you that the weather is not conducive to your choice of footwear. You will need to wait until conditions improve before donning those heels.

9. Ruffle and bow overload

A little bit of ruffle-age can look nice, and I could even see myself wearing something with a modest ruffle... ah, no I couldn't. However, when it looks like a cat shredded the front of your shirt, it may be time to reconsider your wardrobe. Likewise, if wearing a particular top might make you look like the icing on a wedding cake, please refrain. The same goes for those ridiculous-looking bows. Why do you want to dress like a stodgy, old-fashioned librarian? You could pair this look with the ankle sock-with-heels trend and look like you stepped right out of the Victorian era.

10. Greasy, unwashed "hipster" hair

I saw a guy at the science fair who had hair so filthy, it separated into chunky waves spilling out from beneath his uber-trendy Jason Mraz hat. I could smell his greasy locks from several feet away, yet the girl he was cavorting with seemed to be entraced by his ultimate hipsterness. Sorry, dood, that "hairdo" makes you look like a bum.

No comments: