A lot of the time when I'm entering blog contests, I have to weed through veritable mountains of baby strollers, bibs, Nuks, teething necklaces, nursing covers, sippy cups, breast balms, toys, interactive learning DVDs, and baby clothes in order to get to the good stuff, like bacon hot sauce, brownies, and steak. See, I know where my priorities lie.
That's why I especially like the ONE giveaway from the blog Momma Told Me. The grand prize is 500 condoms and four runners-up each get 100 condoms. I know it's not her intention, but this giveaway may quite possibly prevent the creation of new mommy blogs. It's not that I have anything against mommy blogs, but really... I don't want to see pictures of your kids (they're not cute to anyone but you, srsly) and I'm generally not interested in any of your other content. If anything, reading mommy blogs and learning how infants' various secretions hinder your sex life, how relaxin will make my already considerable hips look like I'm wearing jodhpurs, and how kids destroy everything precious to you, makes me less and less likely to even consider thinking about future motherhood. It's like when you had to take health in 8th grade and they showed you slides of pendulous genital warts and everyone in class involuntarily took a vow of celibacy.
Hmm. That came out a lot more sarcastically than I had intended, but I still think this was a pretty good post. I'm getting my old snark back! Forget How Stella Got Her Groove Back, let's do How Erin Got Her Snark Back!