If you truncate these words, I will abbreviate your face

FYI: If you say any of the following "words" in my presence, you will not be allowed to speak to me again. I understand that with text messaging, one might need to abbreviate words to economize space. Also, I realize language is an ever-changing entity. However, truncating words is not ironic, funny, or cute: it makes you sound lazy and stupid.

Without further ado:

• "totes" (unless you are actually referring to totes)
  
• "adorbs" (no, no, no, no, NO. Please, for the love of all that is holy and sacred, please do not say this around me or anyone, ever.)
  
• "suey" (as a truncation of "suicide"; hog-calls are ok)
  
• "unfortch"
  
• "whatevs"
  
• "deets"
  
• "haps" or "the haps" (sounds like a disease... "dude, I got the haps from that girl I met at your party!")
  
• "awk"
  
• "bestie" (not me, if I catch you talking like that)
  
• "vacay"
  
• "cray" (because it's too hard to add the "z")
  
• "fab" (hey, why not throw an "oo" on the end and pretend you're Wakko from "The Animaniacs"?)
  
• "natch" (I know this is an old one, but it still sounds dumb)
  
• "presh" (Gollum wasn't looking for his "presh", was he? NO.)
  
• "offish" (it's a truncation of "official")
  
• "cazh" (an abbreviation of "casual")
  
• "ridic"
  
• "jelly" (unless you're talking about the stuff you smear on toast)
  
• "gorge" (a bastardization of "gorgeous")
  
• "uzh" (because "usual" is just too long)
  
• "vag" (come on, there are tons of slang words for the female genitalia, and this is the best you can do?)
  
• "obvi"
  

Words that are marginally more acceptable and will not cause me to fly into a blind rage:

• "legit" (only if you're MC Hammer)
  
• "yum" (it's an onomatopoeia, and I like onomatopoeia)
  
• "hubby" (I have never referred to my husband as such, but "hubby" isn't the worst thing I could call him)
  
• "cami" (most people who use this word probably can't even spell "camisole", though)
  
• "prolly"
  
• "comfy"
  
• "convo"
  
• "noob"
  
• "peeps"